You've gone so far in provoking me just to know a bit more from me... Now you're going to know what stuff I'm made of. My nature is that of a provoker, of a temptress, I like so much using that bow of mine to flying blazing hot arrows at those I want to burn down, and I never do it at random... That's also how I want whom I talk to: the one who looks in the eyes to get to the soul, the one who speaks with words which, like arrows, get straight to the mind as well as to the heart. That's because I myself am this kind of person: the mass surrounds me, I’m part of it but I don't integrate into it. I'm a world apart, I have my ideas, my aims, my viewpoints, my future, and my light; these things lead me on my way, because I move towards where I have decided to go. Those who have the same opinion as me can only follow me or be on my side if I like, but they can never go ahead of me. If they did, my way would become their way, not mine any longer, and this would be too much for my likes which certainly aren't so hard as titanium is... My wall is made of granite, a hardest material for those who can't handle it: if one hits it with a hammer, there will be so many splinters flying which could mortally wound such a daring person. However, the one who knows the magic of doing and that of perseverance always gets what he hoped for, even from granite.

So... I don't lead my life basing myself on a strategic tactic, or on a utopia; I live my life basing myself on the reality which surrounds us: we live in a jungle, whether we like it or not we're obliged to live inside it and so am I, by consequence. In my daily life I'm constantly menaced by all what's around me: people, the school, events...  This is just what my wall is for: its use doesn't lie in protecting me passively from external attacks (if this were my intention, I would become a nun, it's more simple, right?), rather it helps me to stand firm while I fight off decisively those attacking me. And this can't be done by staying nice and warm under cover, I must combat, fighting even with my tits if necessary, just to keep the position I built myself. This is the only way I can take a look around me without fearing any danger, once I've consolidated my basic opinions. This way I can fiercely say to those who surround me: Look at me! You who still are in the shit! I'm here with my feet firmly grounded to solid rock! I was successful, I let you see how I managed to. Do you also want to get out of it? You do, really? Then why don't you get those fucking feet out of that disgusting thing and start shaking off you all the mud which covers you, your head, and your balls. Why don't you shake well those numb balls of yours and take them out at last, not for pissing or fucking, just to face your own life looking it in the face instead of by the rear-view mirror! Look at me! I look my life, danger, and also death in the face, and I fear nothing; why shouldn't you do that, too? There were some who took their guns and dynamite with them to combat, what a nice thing! I'll keep using my usual bow, which gave and still gives me so many satisfactions.

There, this is just how I see it: it's not me that have to be absorbed by the mass, it's the mass which will have to be by me. But it will have to come to me really willing to improve, for if it wanted to integrate me into itself, my long experience of fighting will perfectly serve my turn.

I'm surprised at noticing that so many of you have such an underrating opinion of me... Anekee, the silly girl of the pictures on the 3rd page? Anekee, an exhibitionist like many others? Anekee the next pornstar? Anekee the little whore searching for the richest bidder? There's only one Anekee, and that’s me, who can't be imitated no matter how hard one might try. I'm ..., ..., ... as usual, I couldn't stop fighting even if I wanted to; in a flash the mass would devour me with my boots on, making vain my unending but necessary effort, which cost me a lot, quite a lot... impossible to quantify. Now that, after years of suffering, I've built my inner serenity, should I rest on my laurels, on my achievements, instead of having others taking part in it? I mean the ones who are broad-minded enough to understand that anyone can be successful. Should I be waiting for others to enjoy my conquests without fighting? I certainly couldn't allow it to happen! Those who have enough guts, let them show it; those who still haven't, let them start to show it, rather than playing the victim to attract one's attention! We need guts, not whining! This is my message on the subject.

I remember now what a dear friend of mine used to tell me about a friend of his, Chang Dsu Yao. This master of Shaolin, who unfortunately is now dead, would talk to him about how to understand the others' thoughts. He said: When you look someone in the eyes, whether this is friend or enemy, you must reason with your head and think with his. Now you see why my pictures to you...

It's not me that have to give advice to God, who – if ever he has existed - has been forsaking me for years; I'm just Anekee, molested by some priests at the boarding school, when she was 11; Anekee, raped by her father at 12; Anekee, sold at 13 and send out by her parents to keep the silence on the story she had had with an adult; Anekee, fucking 14 y.o. Dutch girl living in the fucking city of Milan; Anekee, trapped in her rich uncle and aunt's house at 18; Anekee, who runs her own website writing and taking pictures of herself; Anekee, fond of cinema and music; Anekee the lonely girl, Anekee the unreachable, Anekee looking down her high wall of granite at those who try to enter the impenetrable fortress, yet accessible only to those who possess perseverance, cleverness, beauty, and insight above average. Anekee is an atheist who believes it's US that are at the center of OUR universe, and nothing else. We are the best advisers of ourselves, we just have to open up our mind to the subtle sensations surrounding us, and there we'll find solutions unthought of to our questions which still had no answer. Introspection is the secret. However, if one wants to get all of that, he needs a deepness of thought and intellect which he can only attain by constant will and exercise. Here I'm addressing to you my reader, since you’ve got so far... You know that all of us don't get to understand such a thinking; shallowness is now ruling and it's more and more difficult to get such concepts through to other people: you risk being laughed at instead of being understood. You only need to be yourself, at any time and anyway, you never have to prove anything to anyone: if you really know who you are you have no need to prove it, whereas the others will have to see who you are, and I say WHO not what. The best thing to do is just to be oneself, and, which is even more important, to keep being oneself. As you may have guessed, chess are for me not a way to use my logical mind, but just a means...

Book of the week: Erich Fromm: To be or to have